“he offered independence in three ways: artistic, financial, and personal. Yet marraiage was in itself a dependency that she would not submit to… She believed strongly that women could not have both marriage and art, and that if presented with a choice, she would select art every time. She had seen few marriages — certainly not her parents’ — which seemed worth sacrifice… This feeling against marriage began to grow into a positive antipathy. As her female friends began to marry, she saw it as a lapse from sanity and intelligence… Family life was repugnant to her…” — Carrington
I am so glad I am old enough to be done with all that. I am happy to be free of men and their clamoring demands, and my clamoring demands on them. I am also free of doing anything I do not want to do, seeing anybody I do not wish to see, freer to do whatever I want than I ever have been.
It comes clear to me that some things I thought I liked and wanted, I neither like nor want. Such as, chai tea at home. I like hot chai at Starbucks and at Sofa Cafe. I like plain iced tea with lemon in it. I like lying around the house in my underwear. I like being left alone to do my work. Or to not do anything. Read a book. Take a nap. I dislike large tubes of paint. I like 37 ml. tubes and that is that. I intensely dislike waiting for people. Or for anything.
Some things you must wait up for, like a trip to Greece. I need to save the money, which means I need to paint the paintings to earn the money, and also that I keep giving things away, for abundance to flow clearly and cleanly into my life.
The next thing I am giving away is my large tubes of paint. I asked Irene this morning if she would like them. She only wants yellow. Ok, perhaps I know someone else that I just haven’t thought of yet who paints in oils and would appreciate the paint.
My strong dislike is reserved for going out in the evening. Especially when it is hot. Oh, how I do like to complain. Complaining and disliking are two of my favorite things. Not on the approved list of things you are allowed to openly enjoy. Again, as an old person, I am allowed. Everything is allowed now.
I dislike the humid tropical heat. I love the bright orange, yellow, pink, purple, and every other color flower in flower every place I go. I love the yellow and red flowers that Connie brought me before she left town. She thought I could paint them. I cannot. They don’t look real. They look like something you would buy at a high end decorator shop. I need stuff to look real. I am going to paint a blue pickup truck. See how real I can make it look.
Think new thoughts. Make new karma.
Tubes of various colors. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Out of the Armchair 